Kindergarten: Stupid. Oh gosh don’t tell anyone I said that.
Elementary school: What the heck.
Middle School: Damn it this is freaking dumb as hell
High school: what the fuck did you just say you little fucking shitbitchcuntfuck I will beat the dicks out of your ass
College: what the frick frack snick snack are u doing
My roommate bought a pack of 24 rolls of toilet paper yesterday, in addition to the half dozen we already had, and stored all of them in the bathroom. And just let me tell you, there’s something incredibly calming and reassuring about looking next to you while you’re on the toilet and seeing 30 rolls of toilet paper sitting there. You get a feeling like, no matter how bad shit gets in there, you’re always going to make it out okay in the end.
[sleep-over voice] are you awake
[sleep-over reply voice] yeah
[regrettable sleepover invitee voice] you guys SHH
[confused sleep-over voice] what is the meaning of life
[annoyed sleep-over voice] dude shut up
[sleep-over host voice] you guys be quiet my moms gonna hear us
[unknown voice] you kids wanna buy some drugs
Holy. Crap. I just found an email argument between me and some random internet person about evolution and creationism. Apparently I thought this was important enough to print out and save for TWENTY YEARS!!!
Cannot tell you how many times I’ve been on the phone with Hank and it’s clear he isn’t listening and then I say you’re not listening and then he says, “Hold on someone on the Internet is wrong about something.”
You can only teach so many minds, Hank!
So you say you're gonna break into our local nuclear power plant? I really don't think that's possible
*types a few keystrokes* I'm in
But the power plant's computers aren't even connected to the internet
I said I'm in. Now I'll cause a meltdown *types a few keystrokes* Done
What do you mean done? There have to be many redundant safeguards in place to stop a meltdown. In any case, a meltdown would take time.
Want me to break into the CIA next?
I don't even think you should attempt to...
*types a few keystrokes* Too late. I'm in